Nightmare
by Queen of Falador
Summary: That night she lay there in his arms, lifeless... the cause, my own stuborn selfishness... (What went wrong when Kagome finally reached her limits with Kikyou and Inuyasha... see what happens inside! R&R PLZ!)


"Nightmare"  
Final Draft 10/10/03  
Copyright to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz  
  
There is a nightmare that I have. It recurs in my head like a broken record. I remember the sight of Kikyou, Inuyasha's one true love, dying, in his arms. It is my one nightmare, the fact that I, Kagome Higurashi could never be and will never be loved by this boy, this one boy that caused my destruction. I remember the night so clearly. The cold, hard rain, falling so melancholy down onto the dirt causing it to turn to mud in the forest that was named after Inuyasha. This nightmare is one of those nightmares you keep reliving, not the kind you have in your sleep. It is the kind that when it happens, you know that your life, or a certain part of it, is crumbling to an end. That night, his words, they still echo in my mind, his promise to protect her forever and always. They will always haunt me. They will haunt me until the day that I die. The nightmare will never end.  
I remember that day, why I had gone home to rest. I was trying to tend to his wounds but he is so arrogant and stubborn that he would not let me. So I told him that I was going to go home for a while. Shippou found me when I was about to go back and tried to talk me into staying. He told me that Inuyasha did not mean a word he said. That, in fact, he really did love me. I explained to Shippou that it was all right, that it is okay to let him worry a little sometimes. Then I went home to my time. I got in and took a bath then told my little brother, Souta, and grandpa that I was going to take a nap and then go back to the feudal era. Of course, they let me oversleep and by the time that I got up and was going to go back, it was already one in the morning. I got my things together and went back, but when I found Inuyasha, he was holding Kikyou and making a promise to her to protect her forever and always. That was when I took out my bow and arrow and shot her straight in her heart.  
I remember watching him hold her small, pale, fragile body in his strong arms. The girl, Kikyou, whom Inuyasha was sure had betrayed him many more than once but loved her so much anyway, lied there in his arms, lifeless. Inuyasha held her close to him, crying out to her not to leave him again.  
You see, a half demon named Naraku had tricked the happy couple many years ago into betraying one another over a single jewel that had the power to turn a half demon into full but had many awful consequences. Kikyou thought that it was Inuyasha who had tried to steal the jewel from her and had sliced her heart many years ago when it was really the shape-shifting half demon Naraku. Naraku had disguised himself as Inuyasha, clad in the fire-red kimono, white hair, dog-ears, fangs, claws, and amber eyes. He had gone and found Kikyou, the priestess who was sworn to protect the jewel from demons such as Naraku, and had stolen the jewel. He also disguised himself as Kikyou to befuddle Inuyasha. This caused contempt to rise between the lovers and Kikyou, using the last of her energy, had pinned Inuyasha to a tree known as the Goshinki, or God Tree.  
Then, many years later, after Kagome had come from the future through lady centipede's well and freed Inuyasha from his captive position, a demon Urasue had recreated Kikyou's body from mud, clay, and the remains of her body. However, this was nearly impossible for Kagome holds Kikyou's soul because she is her reincarnation (following so far?) and without Kagome's soul, Urasue could not fully revive Kikyou. She finally got a hold of Kagome and took her soul using very smelly herbs. Later, Kagome's body attempted to call back the soul and regained it for the most part. Afterwards, Kikyou still had a small portion of the soul left. She killed off Urasue, then fled. She had lived of the souls of dead maidens ever since then.  
Now, as I stand here and watch the disaster that I have caused, Inuyasha looks up at me. His face is red and blotchy from crying so much and his off-white under haori (undershirt) was stained with her scarlet blood from the inflicted wound where the arrow was still piercing her heart. I took a step forward to try and comfort him and to apologize for this monstrosity of a deed that I caused because of my own selfishness. He would have none of that, however, but instead yelled at me to leave that I did not belong there, that he never wanted to see my filthy face again. The sad thing is, is that he was right for a change. I really did not belong there.  
At that realization, I took a step back, a bit abashed. But now, as I look back on this night, I believe that I deserved much worse. I turned and fled, not once looking behind me to see him kill himself, which I later learned that he did from Sango later. I remember wanting to run to my mother and have her hold and comfort me the way she did when I was still a small child. This is also a shame. Because the week before that this nightmare occurred, she was in a terrible car accident and too had passed.  
Inuyasha, this boy I loved so deeply. This boy I thought the world of. I was so selfish to hurt you. Now you will never be mine will you? Now I live with an unspoken apology that will never be heard and the deepest regret for what I have done ten years ago today. Also, two weeks ago, I was diagnosed with an incurable disease and am supposed to die in one and one half months. I find it ironic, though, because when Kikyou died, she was also twenty-five years of age.  
My nightmare may have occurred over ten years ago and I may be dying soon, but I will never forget that night. The night that Inuyasha's one, true love died. The night I hurt the one I loved so deeply, and the cause, my own stubborn selfishness. 


End file.
